Mangalore2014
29th September, exactly one year since my mother in law passed away ! Time really flies. Or that's how it looks like when I think about the last year! I was looking at old albums a few days ago, and I was amazed how much of my life was spent with her. There were pictures of all kind...my kids childhood, their school activities, their Birthdays, My folks vising me from USA, Different family events, social functions, holiday trips, events I organised, there were all sorts of pictures, albums and most of the pictures had her smiling face in it, her being present with us! She literally lived her childhood with my kids I feel, as she use to have so much fun taking part in their lives,activities." Relationships" of any kind are most delicate like thread and unless one takes care there is always chance of breaking. For any Relationship it needs 2 people to make it work, just like 2 hands to clap, 2 wheels of a cart! Relationships, most of the time we think are very complicated. Especially when it comes to Mother in laws and daughter in laws. The minute the word "IN law" comes , there seem to be a big problem. I allways wonder, don't mother and daughters have arguments? don't they disagree on certain issues? Don't siblings fight? don't friends disconnect and connect again? don't husband and wife fight on umpteen number of issues? I have heard, seen, father and sons not talking or seeing faces for years. Brothers having rifts. I have heard husband and wife having even separate kitchens due to their adjustment problems. Many of us have experienced a lot of differences with different relationships in the family circles. There are so many gaps left and people hardly take steps to fill it back! Ego being the main reason, and lack of mutual respect and love being the reason next. I do see and know almost every one have gone through these relationship situations, and phases in life.Then why it is always mother in laws and daughter in laws relationship high lighted? From stories to movies every where this is shown mostly in bad light.Where it is asking 2 ladies to adjust to live under same roof or if not, to be connected closely, where they are not even from the same community or cast some times. It is impossible to expect two people literally from two corners of the world to get along at one go , and it is even more tough to ask them to continue the same way! right? So when in every relationship there are so many difficulties, then why magnify one relationship ..Mother In law and Daughter In law majorly? Why family and society scrutinizes them so much? Like all other bonds, this bond too can have ups and downs, and if given time may work!? Since I feel this way, I want to dedicate this post of mine to all mother in laws and daughter in laws. What ever differences, ups and downs, adjustments these two people have,had, but it still is worth it! as at the end of the day if you have harmony you are doing great! I want every one to accept this relationship also like other relationships and give them their credit and understand it. When I think back, I was literally a kid when I got married, and coming from a nuclear family,it is a big deal for me to leave my comfort zone, my mom n dad and not finding my own siblings around. Meaning it is a new world to me! I did not know what this Mother in law syndrome is about, as I was far too young, and from college to domestic life it self was too much for me to handle! My mother in law and me took our own time to get to know each other.And then only it clicked between us, and we started caring for each other. In the times of difficulties she always was there for me, and I was ..for her. Not having my mom around, she helped me in which ever way she can, and I can never forget that! Same way I was there for her accompanying her, going with the flow, as she was slowly going in to old age to illness! She use to confide in me her fears, and I use to tell her all my worries! I cannot forget some of life's simple lessons she taught me. I don't know if others believe ,or not but this is the truth, as I believed in my relationship with my mother in law! I give credit to her and I take credit for myself as I am sure we both wanted it to work! We both valued this relationship! I might have cried, and might have made her cry.Got hurt, or might have hurted her.but at the end of the day she was there for me and I was for her.Exactly A year now that she is not around, and I just want to tell her only one thing..nothing is same any more, In my life, with out you Mai ! You could have been around for some more time, but I am sure you are happy and peaceful where ever you are! Watching me ,guiding me, blessing me, loving me, just the way I am! I miss you and Love you.
29th September, exactly one year since my mother in law passed away ! Time really flies. Or that's how it looks like when I think about the last year! I was looking at old albums a few days ago, and I was amazed how much of my life was spent with her. There were pictures of all kind...my kids childhood, their school activities, their Birthdays, My folks vising me from USA, Different family events, social functions, holiday trips, events I organised, there were all sorts of pictures, albums and most of the pictures had her smiling face in it, her being present with us! She literally lived her childhood with my kids I feel, as she use to have so much fun taking part in their lives,activities." Relationships" of any kind are most delicate like thread and unless one takes care there is always chance of breaking. For any Relationship it needs 2 people to make it work, just like 2 hands to clap, 2 wheels of a cart! Relationships, most of the time we think are very complicated. Especially when it comes to Mother in laws and daughter in laws. The minute the word "IN law" comes , there seem to be a big problem. I allways wonder, don't mother and daughters have arguments? don't they disagree on certain issues? Don't siblings fight? don't friends disconnect and connect again? don't husband and wife fight on umpteen number of issues? I have heard, seen, father and sons not talking or seeing faces for years. Brothers having rifts. I have heard husband and wife having even separate kitchens due to their adjustment problems. Many of us have experienced a lot of differences with different relationships in the family circles. There are so many gaps left and people hardly take steps to fill it back! Ego being the main reason, and lack of mutual respect and love being the reason next. I do see and know almost every one have gone through these relationship situations, and phases in life.Then why it is always mother in laws and daughter in laws relationship high lighted? From stories to movies every where this is shown mostly in bad light.Where it is asking 2 ladies to adjust to live under same roof or if not, to be connected closely, where they are not even from the same community or cast some times. It is impossible to expect two people literally from two corners of the world to get along at one go , and it is even more tough to ask them to continue the same way! right? So when in every relationship there are so many difficulties, then why magnify one relationship ..Mother In law and Daughter In law majorly? Why family and society scrutinizes them so much? Like all other bonds, this bond too can have ups and downs, and if given time may work!? Since I feel this way, I want to dedicate this post of mine to all mother in laws and daughter in laws. What ever differences, ups and downs, adjustments these two people have,had, but it still is worth it! as at the end of the day if you have harmony you are doing great! I want every one to accept this relationship also like other relationships and give them their credit and understand it. When I think back, I was literally a kid when I got married, and coming from a nuclear family,it is a big deal for me to leave my comfort zone, my mom n dad and not finding my own siblings around. Meaning it is a new world to me! I did not know what this Mother in law syndrome is about, as I was far too young, and from college to domestic life it self was too much for me to handle! My mother in law and me took our own time to get to know each other.And then only it clicked between us, and we started caring for each other. In the times of difficulties she always was there for me, and I was ..for her. Not having my mom around, she helped me in which ever way she can, and I can never forget that! Same way I was there for her accompanying her, going with the flow, as she was slowly going in to old age to illness! She use to confide in me her fears, and I use to tell her all my worries! I cannot forget some of life's simple lessons she taught me. I don't know if others believe ,or not but this is the truth, as I believed in my relationship with my mother in law! I give credit to her and I take credit for myself as I am sure we both wanted it to work! We both valued this relationship! I might have cried, and might have made her cry.Got hurt, or might have hurted her.but at the end of the day she was there for me and I was for her.Exactly A year now that she is not around, and I just want to tell her only one thing..nothing is same any more, In my life, with out you Mai ! You could have been around for some more time, but I am sure you are happy and peaceful where ever you are! Watching me ,guiding me, blessing me, loving me, just the way I am! I miss you and Love you.
2 comments:
Amma, I was really teary eyed reading this post. Anama never carried any ego from what I remember. She had her moments when she would get very annoyed, upset and angry but I dont remember her holding on to grudges or saying ill things about others, atleast never to us as kids. So I beleive that was one of the main reasons why it was so much easier to get along with her. She was easy going in general, so full of life, encouraging and positive. It does take two to make a relationship work. I think from your end, it was your openness, unconditional love and acceptance that made it work between the two of you. On an emotional level, I cant even imagine what it is like to leave your own home and mother at such an early age and be married and have your MIL take the place of your mother. I think you two did great and you both played the best of mothers I could ever ask for. Whenever you were occupied with Adi when he was a baby and was little and needed more of your attention, Anama was always there to play with me, laugh about something silly, adore me when I used to make some arts and crafts, pamper me and have fun with me. I miss her. And I cant even imagine how much more you must miss her , she really was a mother to you..and I am glad you had her in your life, being so far away from your own mother..You both have been through so much together.. I really hope I would get to share such a rich relationship, one of genuine love and respect with a MIL someday...Love you and Anama <3 Hope she is peaceful and happy wherever she is..
Thanks amu..you said it right..n I really appreciate you took the time to read and express your self! She truly was a great mother in law.
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